poker

Are You All In?

5 minutes reading time

Playing a card game with your spouse - it sounds like a tame night during a Midwestern snowstorm, doesn't it? Well, not for me! Last month my husband and I celebrated our 11th anniversary in Vegas. Prior to the trip, I wanted to buy a fun and sexy Vegas-themed gift. If you're a regular reader of my blog, you may remember our last trip to Vegas. Last year was a g.a.m.e.c.h.a.n.g.e.r. so I wasn't even going to attempt to outshine last year's gift. But I still wanted to celebrate 11 years and have a damn good time, so I started doing my research.

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue indulging in my memoir, if you are prude or uptight, then stop reading this; go back to cleaning your house while tending to your crying Ivy League prodigies. Actually, just don't read any of my blogs because you will not like them, or worse, you will. But for those of you who read my blogs on the regular, call me, because we should be friends

With the Vegas theme in mind, I found a Couple's Poker Game on Spencer's Gifts - the perfect game to play in Vegas. I assumed it was a twist on strip poker and couldn't wait to play. I shoved the box in my suitcase and we were off to Vegas!

Knowing I suck at poker and that my husband always wins, I came to the table prepared: I donned six layers of clothing (and looked like a cold hoodlum). By now, you should know me well enough to assume I wasn't just wearing baggy sweats to our sexy play date - underneath all those layers was a fun surprise - a sexy piece of lingerie.

To my surprise, I quickly learned this was not your typical poker game. Not even your typical strip poker game! I started to read the chips and burst out laughing. "Oh shit babe, this is NOT strip poker!" The special instructions I had skimmed over when purchasing the game quickly brought me up to speed. Instead of your standard poker chips, each chip had a sexy task to perform. As I read the rules in depth, I thought to myself, "I'm going to need a lot more alcohol for this game." Bartender, pour me something strong!

Before he could see the chips, I removed the 3 minutes of anal sex and 3 minutes of butt play chips. Let's be real, those chips are for a totally different mood. But since we were no longer playing strip poker, I promptly removed my six layers of sweats to strip down to my lingerie. Come on, I might as well look sexy as hell while playing, and who knew where this game was going to lead?!

In our everyday life, my husband and I never stick to the rules… So why start now? We created our own set of rules to play by. After every round, whoever lost performed whatever was on their opponent's chips and drank their entire drink. I won the first round, but it all went downhill after that. That jerk kept winning every hand.

According to our rules, you have to do whatever the chips say. Everyone knows that my tushy is very sensitive and I don't tolerate spanking (and if you didn't know before, now you do - ha!). In fact, I almost broke up with my now-husband twelve years ago because he playfully spanked me. Twelve years later, he hasn't made that mistake again. Of course, the first chip says he gets to spank me for one. full. minute. FML. All I could think was, "Are you kidding me?". But you should have seen his face. He looked like a kid in an all-you-can-eat candy shop who knew he'd get grounded if he touched the candy. He didn't know what to do, ha! I put on my big girl panties and rose to the occasion for the whole damn minute. He giggled the whole time - a nervous giggle because I guess twelve years later, I still scared him.

In addition to breaking out of my spanking comfort zone, the poker game offered fun ways to switch things up. We don't often engage in foreplay, and it was nice to pause and appreciate each other. We nibbled on each other's ears and neck, licked and sucked inner thighs... you get the idea.

We also attempted some sexy multitasking… Because what else would you do after your husband played a Receive a hand job chip? He offered to make us more drinks while I gave him the HJ. It was the perfect combo, at least from what I remember. He made the drinks a little too strong because I don't remember anything after that hand job (whoops!). Apparently, I got a little wild and started giggling like crazy. Oh, and let's not forget at one point I (ALLEGEDLY) started yelling, "Fuck my ass like a badass!" (despite removing those chips I mentioned earlier…). Next thing I knew, I woke up alone and confused on the couch at 4:16AM.

Despite my rather hazy end to the evening, this game turned out to be the best couples game we've ever played. How many of you own board games and they just collect dust on the top shelf of your closet? I challenge you to pick the cheesiest game and turn it into a fun adult game. You will never look at Operation the same once you turn it into a drinking game. CHEERS! 

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