I have been banned from Craigslist!

4 minutes reading time

 Let's talk about Foot Fetishes.  Now this blog is not to make fun of people who have a sexual bond with feet.  I'm just a magnet to anyone out of the ordinary.  I attract them, they like me and they want to be my friend FOREVER.  

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue indulging in my memoir, if you are prude or uptight, then stop reading this; go back to cleaning your house while tending to your crying Ivy League prodigies. Actually, just don't read any of my blogs because you will not like them, or worse, you will. But for those of you who read my blogs on the regular, call me, because we should be friends.

So about a year ago I posted an ad on Craigslist selling a few of my high heels.  I know, any story starting off with Craigslist, you know is going to be good.  This is why Adam won't let me post on Craigslist anymore.  My first and only response was a man asking me "how much for all of your shoes"?  Then he asked if I had any used socks, even non matching ones.  He would pay extra for ones that have not been washed.  Now the dumb naive salesperson in me, is entertaining this man fully.  I am seriously running around my house looking for all of my used, unwashed, non-matching socks to sell to this guy.  I even started looking through Adams sock drawer.  Just a reminder, Adam has banned me from Craigslist after this.   I am seriously thinking "shit I am going to make a couple of hundred dollars from this man.  I agreed to meet him in the Walgreen's parking lot with my husband.  Then he asks how much would I charge him if he could smell my feet, then it turned into If I paid you $50 could I rub your feet for 5 min.  Dude, seriously I was totally going to let this stranger massage my feet for $50.  I mean shit it's $50 hahahah. Just a reminder, Adam has banned me from Craigslist. 

Then it really got interesting, He then offered me $100 to lick one toe. I cant make this shit up.  I kept running down the stairs yelling at Adam, But baby, now he's offering me $100 to lick my tie" hahahahahhaha This is the shit my poor husband has to deal with being married to me.  Yup he has banned me from Craigslist.  Adam ia now mad at me.  So now I brought the offer back to the original agreement of just my high heels.  He agrees only if I sell him the socks I am wearing when I meet him. hahaha ummm ok.  Well I never hear from the guy again.  So of course now I'm thinking hmmm maybe he was just messing with me.  I know I know, It took me that long to realize it.  Don't worry, I have been banned from Craigslist. 

Ok, let's fast forward to a few months ago. By this time, Adam has had a blast telling all of our friends how fucking stupid his wife is and how all of the cooky people somehow find me. One stormy Friday evening in April I am asked to present all of my artwork and photographs at a local Art show in our town.  My girlfriends and I are sitting there for about 4 hours with  no visitors because of the severe storm.  So Adam and Savannah come bring me comfy flat shoes because my hooker boots have killed my feet by now.  As we are all sitting around chatting my first visitor walks through the door.  A middle aged man looking down at the ground and looking completely lost.  Never making eye contact with us. So after a few minutes of him staring at everyone's feet and even looking underneath my mannequin's skirt, he sees my hooker boots under the table.  I asked if I could help him. He then asked, "whose are those?"  I replied, "mine sir".  He looks up at me, then looks at my sandals on my feet, looks at the boots again and leaves without saying a word.  We all thought it was weird until my girlfriend said, holy shit your foot fetish guy".  We all started laughing.  Now you can see why I have been banned from Craigslist. 

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