masturbation_meme

Masturbation - Naughty or Nice?

5 minutes reading time

I'm going to let you in on a universal life truth. Masturbation is great for the soul.

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue indulging in my memoir, if you are prude or uptight, then stop reading this; go back to cleaning your house while tending to your crying Ivy League prodigies. Actually, just don't read any of my blogs because you will not like them, or worse, you will. But for those of you who read my blogs on the regular, call me, because we should be friends.

Let's take a big step back to my first experiences that led to my enlightenment: age 24. Now ladies, until age 24 I had never had an orgasm… ever, no joke. I was just an expert at faking it (like black-belt-level expert). Faking orgasms was the Mona Lisa to my DaVinci. To be clear, not having an orgasm during sex was not because of my partners' inability to make me cum. It was all in my own head.

There were a few reasons why I didn't ever fully arrive to completion:

1. Control. I didn't want to allow someone else to have that kind of control over my body.
2. Trust. I never truly trusted my previous partners. I believe when you have an orgasm it's because you have fully allowed yourself to let go to have an out-of-body experience. I didn't want that kind of experience with someone who could potentially hurt me.
3. Purity. Okay, well purity is a stretch, but this last idea connects to another universal truth I had learned by age 24: most men want to date a slut and marry a virgin. Well I certainly wasn't a virgin or a slut - I considered myself to be the best of both worlds. My virginity was long gone, but it was important to me to give my husband some piece of my virginity. So I decided my future husband would be the first person to give me an orgasm. 

While I was saving my future husband to be the first person to give me an orgasm, I decided there were quite a few battery operated devices that could keep me busy. Which takes us to a momentous occasion: the day I used my first vibrator. I was 24 years old (I know, I'm a late bloomer) moving into a brand new apartment. No furniture yet, just boxes and that feeling of a fresh start. As I was unpacking, I discovered a housewarming gift from one of my girlfriends. Yup, it was my very first vibrator.

After making some progress settling in, I sat on the bare living room floor in my empty apartment to relax and watch Friends. I thought to myself, "What are you waiting for?!" and decided to whip out my new dildo. I had no clue what to do or expect. Giggling with curiosity, I laid on the empty floor and after quickly mastering the basics, started feeling fan-fucking-tastic. All of a sudden, I started whispering "Oh my God" - giggle, giggle, giggle - "Holy crap" giggle… giggle… GASP. And no, this experience was not a result of the 16" Master Cock. It was just a simple dildo for beginners. 

Three years later my life changed forever. I met and married my husband. He's everything I ever wanted, needed, and dreamed about. The cherry on top? He LOVED that fact that I had never experienced an orgasm with another man and that he was my "first". Saving my orgasm for my husband was the best decision my 24 year old self made. It was something we could experience together. Knowing he was my "first" also made it more exciting to see what else we could experience for the first time. To this day, I think it's why we love trying new things as a couple.

I only have one regret in my vibrator journey. After my now-husband and I met, I threw away all of my toys. I felt that there was no need for them anymore when my lover (and his amazing cock!) had moved in. I know, I know - stupid of me. Any woman knows that your perfect lover is not a replacement for your toys, your toys serve as a beautiful addition to the bedroom. It only took me 13 years to remember that before we started adding in toys back into our bedroom. Now we are hooked. The combination of your partner and any toy is pure m.a.g.i.c. Speaking of which, we finally found our match made in heaven - read my Do You Believe In Magic? blog to discover our magical combination.

A few key lessons when purchasing toys:

1. Experimentation is key to know what works best for you! Some women like dildos, others prefer clit stimulation, some gals like anal stimulation… the list goes on. For me, I pretty much only enjoy clit stimulation so for years, I stayed away from dildos and only purchased the silver bullet. There are different kinds of silver bullets and trust me, I played with them all. From the standard bullet to the bunny bullet (my favorite for YEARS!) to the double bullet - they all provided extensive enjoyment in their own way. Everyone is different, and stores like Adam & Eve or Hustler carry many options for you to begin (or continue) your search!

2. My biggest gripe? Inexpensive toys don't last very long; most of mine died after a few months. Once you find the type of toy you enjoy, invest in higher quality options to get the most bang for your buck.

3. If you're too embarrassed to go into a store, that's okay! To be discrete, I suggest buying vibrators online (you can even clear your browsing history!). And to take it one step further - if you're nervous about what your mailman might think, ask your brazen bestie if you can have your vibrator delivered to her house. Whatever comfort level you're at, go for it!

4. Even when you find your dream partner, KEEP YOUR TOYS! Find fun ways to incorporate them in your bedroom. And hey, unless you're together 365 days a year, there's always time to play solo.

Ready to begin your toy shopping adventure? Shop at Adam & Eve with the discount code MOMENTS for 50% off and free shipping!  Local to Nashville? Stop by Hustler and MOMENTS BY T and receive 20% off!  You're welcome ;)


Kick your insecurities in the ass
Caution: Experts Only!
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