Nuru Massage

4 minutes reading time

Let's take a trip down memory lane… Remember the thrill of slip-n-slides as a kid? Or fast forward ten years - the excitement of jello wrestling matches in college? If you (sadly) didn't participate in either of these adrenaline- inducing activities, I have good news for you: there's a much sexier adult version you can reenact. And yes, of
course I've tried it out for you. Let's dive in!

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue indulging in my memoir, if you are prude or uptight, then stop reading this; go back to cleaning your house while tending to your crying Ivy League prodigies. Actually, just don't read any of my  blogs because you will not like them, or worse, you will. But for those of you who read my blogs on the regular, call me, because we should be friends.

For my birthday, my hubby booked and planned a beautiful night for us at an AirBnB in Nashville for a romantic evening without any distractions. I had no clue what my birthday gift was going to be, but knowing my husband, it was going to be some kind of sexy adventure. 

After we got settled into the Airbnb, my husband told me to go freshen up while he set the scene. Of course, I was dying to know what he had planned. I went to get ready, but when the opportunity presented itself, I peeked around the bathroom corner to see him blowing up a twin size mattress. I didn't know what it meant, but I did
know I was in for a great surprise.

What happened next was a blur. A wonderfully sexy, messy blur. For my birthday gift, my hubby had ordered a Nuru massage kit. What is Nuru, you might ask? If you look up Nuru massage, you'll find an endless supply of porn. I'm not complaining - Nuru's porn gives us tons of ideas. But more succinctly, Wikipedia defines Nuru as a
Japanese erotic massage technique from Kawasaki, Japan. The technique requires one or more Nuru masseuses to rub their body against the client's body when both parties are nude and covered with an odorless and colorless massage lotion. My definition? Nuru massage is the coolest thing to do on any night that ends with Y.

​Now, back to our evening in Nashville - my hubby started to pour a small amount of the warm, slippery gel all over my naked body. (From my experience, this is the only time I've received a massage from my partner and been ok with it turning into sex 30 seconds later.) Then, he started sliding his naked body on my back, up and down - sexy slip-and-slide style. It's even more fun than your childhood original and extremely sensual. Okay, so I can hear your adult brain firing objections firing off all over the place. So hear me out.

I don't want to make a huge mess! Believe it or not - Nuru massages aren't messy at all. We don't ever get any of the gel on the carpet. It stays right on your body and stays nice and wet the whole time. Why buy a lube you can't use for your genitals? Great news - the Nuru massage oil we purchased is safe for your girly parts and makes for nice lube in the shower or bath. But be very careful in the shower or bath.  You will fall on your ass

I don't want to purchase an air mattress for this. If you don't want to purchase a mattress, I suggest getting the Wet Sheets from Wet Sheets are designed specifically for Nuru massage. To note, Wet Sheets are a perfect example of how cheaper isn't always better. I have tried the cheaper sheets on Amazon and they are horrible compared to the Wet Sheets. Hey, it's all in the name of research. And in this case (trust me), quality matters.

I don't have room to blow up a mattress in my bedroom. One of the huge perks of a twin size mattress is you can put it pretty much anywhere in the house. PRO TIP: To make the experience even more sensual, we put the mattress in front of the fireplace (you're welcome).  Or purchase a flat Wet Mattress that will slip under your bed perfectly. 

Now that we've rationalized with your adult self, you're probably wondering, okay, LET'S DO THIS! 

All you need are three ingredients: Twin size  blow up mattress  (easy to store under your bed) Nuru massage gel (mix with water to make it super slippery)  Wooden bowl  to easily heat the gel in the microwave. From my experience, the warmer the better (but always be cautious of not burning yourself - listen to you and your partner to assess your comfort levels)

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