Vibrating Panties Gone Wrong

4 minutes reading time

​ Have you ever tried vibrating panties? Don't knock it till you've tried it, ladies! Like most adult toys, it's a Goldilocks adventure - some too big, some too small, and some justtttt right. There are so many different kinds, but they all have one goal. And there are so many things to consider when finding your new friend. Where does it sit on your clit? How powerful is it? Does it hit your button directly or does it slip into your panty pouch? Does it stay in place, or will it fall out of your panties and on the floor? It may not be rocket science, but it is complicated. Then once you do find the perfect pair, the fun really begins. To help you get to the perfect place sooner, I can tell you from experience what NOT to do when wearing vibrating panties.

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue indulging in my memoir, if you are prude or uptight, then stop reading this; go back to cleaning your house while tending to your crying Ivy League prodigies. Actually, just don't read any of my blogs because you will not like them, or worse, you will. But for those of you who read my blogs on the regular, call me, because we should be friends.

Let's back up 13 years. My husband and I were on our way to the St Regis Resort for a long weekend. On our way down, we decided to make a quick stop to an independent (and rather ghetto) adult store. It was the kind of adult store where you half expect to find a creepy man in the back corner rubbing one out. Any-who, we decided to grab a pair of my first vibrating panties and got the hell out of there.

Of course, what fun is a road trip without ripping open the box and slipping your new panties on? As we were driving, he was having fun experimenting with the remote. Well, time flies when you're having fun, and the road trip quickly came to an end. As the valet opened my car door, I realized the opened boxes to our toys were all over the floor. Which led to very big, uncomfortable smiles from both the valet and me and luckily (!), no words needed to be exchanged. I followed my hubby and the bellman to our room and couldn't stop laughing (and gasping) because he kept turning the damn remote on and off. The only sounds in the hallway were our footsteps, my giggling, and vvvvvvvvvvvvv.

Later that night, my hubs requested I wear my new panties to dinner. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but that was before I understood our seating arrangement. Magnificent artwork, white table cloths, sparking crystal… and mahogany chairs. Key takeaway? You CANNOT sit on wooden chairs in a quiet romantic restaurant while your husband has a remote to your panties. I repeat: Do not sit on a wooden chair. HOLY SHIT BALLS the vibrating against the chair was loud; it felt like it rattled the whole restaurant. And the jerk wouldn't stop messing with the remote! He was positively gleeful, like a kid in a candy store. His mission, which he chose to accept, was to see how many people would look over at our table. You can imagine the other poised, beautifully dressed diners looking around during their meal wondering, what is that loud vibrating noise and where the hell is it coming from? I kept thinking, "Nothing to see here folks, nothing to see here." As if it wasn't obvious it was us, with all the laughter and my constant whispering, "Knock it off Adam, turn it off Adam, I hate you Adam, I LOVE YOOOUUUUUU Adam". 

Now ladies as a reminder, this was 13 years ago. Times have changed, and the vibrating panties sold today are not as loud and are way more advanced than they used to be (I'm oh-so thankful for advancements in technology). If you would like to know what we upgraded to 13 years later, check out my Caution: Experts Only blog. 

No matter which pair you end up with, they make for a fun story. USE COUPON CODE: MOMENTS for 50% off one item at Enjoy, and feel free to share your vibrating panties experience in the comments below!

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