Kermit the frog freaking out saying No No No

When the late-night conversation starts off with "You didn't plan anything for my birthday did you?" FUCK!!! ummm "Of course I didn't. I would never forget your birthday. It's a surprise so shut up and don't ask questions..." For the next hour, Google was my best friend.

What Are Friends For?

I immediately text my best friend Tina and beg her to go shopping with me tomorrow (the day of his birthday). My husband (like most) is very easy to shop for. All he wants is something sexual and a good quality New York Strip. The bad thing is that I am constantly having to come up with something sexual and even worse, something we haven't tried yet. I remembered that we had some leftover hotel points so I quickly booked a room at the Renaissance Hotel in Downtown Nashville. Tina and I ran to the mall and started frantically looking for a gift. Lingerie? nope, I wasn't feeling sexy nor was I in the mood to blow all of my money on one or two outfits. I usually buy great quality things from HustlerYandy, or Adam and Eve but I didn't have time this year. We quickly ran into Spencer's Gifts and started looking for inexpensive gag gifts. I bought 7 silly gifts.


Shhh It's A Surprise!

My plan was to show him that I didn't forget about his birthday and I had a whole night of surprises planned. As soon as we finished gathering up the gifts and wrapping everything I quickly drove down to Nashville (50 min each way). I asked the kind but not so willing front desk clerk if he would give my husband this penis gift bag when we checked in later. (it was well worth the drive because the look on Adam's face when the very embarrassed front desk clerk handed him a gift back that had 100 different size/shaped penises on it was priceless) I also gave them another penis bag (with a penis pump inside) to be placed in the hotel room before we arrived. **We didn't care for the self-pump version and ended up upgrading to an electric one from Adam & Eve


It Takes A Villiage

As we finally made it up to our hotel room he was still in shock with the first one and now he's really wondering when and how the gifts made it to the hotel before we did. I had 5 more gifts wrapped up in my purse and my plan was to have a random stranger give him a gift at each location we went to that evening. Each gift he would have to open up right in front of that stranger. That's what I love about Nashville, they are always game to help you have a great experience. I don't know who was more embarrassed but secretly cracking up, Adam or the waiter watching him open the Anal Play gift at the 5-star Steak Restaurant :) 

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The Never Ending Gift

Each item in my Mary Poppins bag was designed to either embarrass him or turn him on and as long as it made him laugh or smile, then it was money well spent. At the Honky Tonk Bar Adam had to open up the scorpion vibrating cock ring (which we will have to try just so we can say we used it) in front of a random female at the bar. Then after bar hopping, I had the bartender ask Adam to open the deep throat numbing spray in front of everyone. They both laughed so hard. I wish I got their reaction on camera. We kept spraying it in our mouths the whole drunk crawl back to the hotel. BIG MISTAKE.

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Needless to say, he still has no idea that I pulled off his great birthday surprise within 24 hours. Thanks for the reminder that it was your birthday babe.  I think I get a birthday fuck-up pass forever though after the gifts you received for your 30th and 40th birthday.